Gan LinHui
142 Bukit Batok St 11
#16-07
S650142
Application for the Events Manager Advertisement Posted on 2nd February 2010
Dear Sir/ Mdm,
I am writing to enquire about the advertisement for the Event Manager post which appeared on the JobsDB portal on 2 February 10. I had recently graduated from National University of Singapore (NUS) with a BSc Life Sciences with Specialisation in Biology.
I understand that my degree is not related to the field of management and marketing. However, over the years, I had been assigned various positions in my school clubs which helped me developed skills of planning events and people management and I enjoyed every part of the planning process and working in a team. Being the President of the NUS wakeboarding club, one of the challenges was to organise Introductory Courses and coordinate all aspects of the events. Due to the busy schedule of my members and that of the boat operators, last minute changes to the schedule of the Introductory Course were often unavoidable. This required me to work with the available options and come up with impromptu activities such that the Introductory Courses could run smoothly.
I personally feel that a passion for this job is important to do a perfect job. On top of that, emotional intelligence instead of just intelligence is essential for a job of this nature as ultimately it is a job which requires many interactions and co-operation between project team members. Hence, I hope that you would consider my application despite my qualifications.
Thank you
Gan LinHui
UCS1001 S21 Tri1 2024-25
3 weeks ago
Hi LinHui,
ReplyDeleteI wish you could elaborate more about your skills and knowledge could help contribute to the company.
If I were you, I would not reinstate my weakness at the end of the letter. I am not too sure about this but I just feel that if you emphasize on your weakness, there is this impression of being insecure instead of feeling confident.Not too sure how others might feel.What do you guys think?
Nevertheless, your tone of your letter is appropriate and courteous. :)
Cheers!
Yeah I thought that you emphasised more on weaknesses than showing them what are your strengths. If possible, try to not talk about your negative traits. Try elaborating more on your strengths as a leader. You might also want to include a paragraph on your interest in the job.
ReplyDeleteYou could also elaborate more on this sentence: "I personally feel that a passion for this job is important to do a perfect job." Rather then just saying that passion is needed, tell them more.
"On top of that, emotional intelligence instead of just intelligence is essential for a job of this nature as ultimately it is a job which requires many interactions and co-operation between project team members." This paragraph sounded a bit weird to me. I don't think talking about emotional intelligence is very appropriate in this case.
Hi Lin hui!
ReplyDeleteI also feel that you emphasize too much on your weakness. Instead of telling that frankly that what you are studying is not related to the job, maybe you can think of the skills that you picked up while taking this course that is transferrable to the job.
And ya, you should elaborate more on the things that you do in NUS wakeboarding club so as to sustantiate why you are suitable for this job. And also, you said passion is important for this job. Maybe you can elaborate more and show them that you really have the passion and really interested in the job. :D
Just my 2 cents worth! All the best! :D
Hey Lin Hui,
ReplyDeleteBear with me as I have quite a lot to say.
1)I agree with the rest. You should not start your letter with what you do not have and restate that in the end. Instead, you could list all your other related skills then state that you believe those skills makes you qualified for the job despite your degree OR as what Vanessa said, you could highlight the related skills from your degree.
2)The sentence “However, over the years, I had been assigned various positions in my school clubs which helped me developed skills of planning events and people management and I enjoyed every part of the planning process and working in a team.” could be broken up into a few sentences. It is a little too long. It could also be phrased better.
3)You should relate your skills back to the job scope clearly.
4)For the last paragraph, you could go on to say why you are passionate about the job.
5)The part on EQ vs IQ sounds weird. Maybe you should try to paraphrase it in other words.
6)In the sentence “Hence, I hope that you would consider my application despite my qualifications”, you should not use words like despite. It gives a negative tone to the letter.
Overall, you should be more mindful with the way you phrased most of your sentences. As a tip, maybe you could ask someone who is good in English to review your letters in future. I usually do that for my letters and even my term papers. It helps a lot. Hope this helps!
Geraldine